Wayne’s Wardrobe Malfunctions

When we started the Cycling Slimdown, I had no idea how cumbersome the whole new clothes issue would be. In high school, I was a 36 inch waist until maybe Senior year, when I shot up to a 38. In college, with the cheap pizzas, and even cheaper trash can punch, I went up to a 40, and then slowly ascended to a 42, AKA Big and Tall Territory! So, when we started in January, I wore 42×30 pants. I had dunlap disease, where my belly dun lapped over my jeans. And that was fine for me, I guess. Anna always was frustrated because I never wore my pants at my natural waist line. Well, that was actually one of thousands of things that frustrated her about me, I guess. I can’t remember my suit size, but I know that they were measured so that I HAD to wear them at my natural waist line. When I put them on, I always felt that I looked like Danny DeVito as the Penguin in “Batman Returns”. Either that, or a poorly formed egg. In pre-school, I did play the part of “Humpty Dumpty”, so I guess that was my self-fulfilling prophecy…

As the weeks have gone by, I have slowly started pulling out my 10+ year old pants, and have in the past two weeks been able to wear size 38 pants at my natural waist line. That’s making a huge difference in people’s perception of my weight loss, as I no longer have saggy pants hanging off my rear. But my new problem is this: the length of my old pants are 30 inches, which was fine for wearing my pants below my waist, but I actually need 32 inch inseams, which I have never worn! I hate to buy new 38×32 pants, because I know in a month or 2, I’ll slim down even further…. So in the meantime, I will wear my ill-fitting Dockers to work, and have people whisper about how I am wearing high-waters while they can see my entire lower leg. I think it would be fun to wear those Christmas socks with a blinking Santa Claus on them. Now THAT would be something my co-workers can talk about! Hmm…. I wonder if Sun & Ski carries those??

3 thoughts on “Wayne’s Wardrobe Malfunctions

  1. Wayne, as one of your co-workers, I can tell you with certainty we will talk about you no matter what you wear.

  2. Wayne, from experience it is always easier having to get smaller clothes for a change instead of larger ones…and Aaron’s right, he will always talk about you “no matter what.” 🙂

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